The Spin Class Instructor was Low-Energy so I Went Home and Ate Nachos

1. For my morning constitutional I was walking backwards along the path bordering the YMCA when the rain started crying like an apple being sliced into pieces and so I decided to go inside.
2. The spin class instructor was low-energy. She kept sort of sighing like cheese melting in the heat of refried beans (if you’ll excuse the hyperbole) and saying things like, “I’m sorry guys, let’s slow down. I ate a lot of carbs last night.”
3. Then she said, “Guys, I’m graduating with a marketing degree next year. I bet none of you can give me an internship this summer, right?”
4. Then she made an expression I’d label flat.
5. Thunder rumbled out in the parking lot and the lights flickered, sort of a vibration behind my eyelids and raindrops ticking against the windows. The spin instructor gave the ceiling a worried look like it might collapse.
6. Two people got off the spin bicycles (the cycles look like mechanical grasshoppers, red) and went into the bathroom but upon exiting neither returned to the spin area (to the flock, I almost wrote). I figured that was a social situation move to avoid the embarrassment of stopping the spin class mid-spin. The bathroom allowed them to ENTER one way, EXIT another. One pre-spinner/post-walker went over to the enormous inflatable balls and sat on a yellow one, sort of bouncing lightly and gently rubbing her heel. The other went over by the Russian dumbbell thing that looks like a sculpture of an octopus wrapped around a navigational buoy.
7. Then the spin class instructor put “Islands in the Stream” by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton on the overhead speakers. Have you ever tried to exercise to a slow country ballad?
8. Then I stopped my treadmill backwards walk at .13 miles. My sweat glistened with an ambient refulgence but I didn’t feel flow, not really.
9. Then the spin instructor played another country song, this one about the sand, beer, wild chickens, God, the Bahamas. I felt like someone skiing about architecture. Or someone using a spatula to repair the Internet. Confusion. When did country music address tropical vacations?
10. Then she said “I have an old school mix tape for Friday if I ever find it. It’s so old it’s like year 2000.”
11. Like a craving for sour cream, the rain licked all the windows.
12. “Adjust your tension again,” she said to the class. “Lower it down. Let’s don’t hurt ourselves on a Tuesday.”
13. Then I went home and made these nachos.
14. 

 

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